Stilts Selfie

 

Famous Ballerina Goals

Look at me!

Pretty/Not Pretty

 Pretty: lovely flowers at the Japanese Friendship Garden.

Not pretty: my bloody eyeball. I woke up two days ago to this. Ugh. It is apparently a "subconjunctival hemorrhage" (fancy words for "broken blood vessel in the eye"). Zombie eye!

The Boom Boom Room in the Sky...

Rest in Peace, Miss Dixie Evans (1926-2013). Dixie was known as "the Marilyn Monroe of Burlesque" back in the 1950s, and wow, did she look like Marilyn! (Here is the link to her obituary--check out that photo!)

Dixie ran Exotic World, a museum dedicated to all things burlesque/exotic dancing--photos, programs, pasties!--which used to be out in the middle of nowhere in Helendale, on Old Route 66. We visited about 15 years ago and got a personal tour, all by ourselves, and Dixie was utterly delightful. (That's me up there posing with her--she's much more sassy!)

We returned a year or two later to attend the Miss Exotic World contest--amateur burlesque dancers ranging from the very good to the...not-so-good. The Exotic World museum moved to Las Vegas in 2006 and changed its name to the Burlesque Hall of Fame--and the Miss Exotic World competition is still going strong!

I like to think that Dixie is still dancing away up there in the Boom Boom Room in the Sky!

Zzzzzzz...Aaaaaaagh!

 This is how I wish I looked at night, at about 2 a.m. {zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz}.

And this is how I've been looking for the past little while: my eyes pop open and then {aaaaaaaaahhhhh}. I'M AWAKE, damn it!

This Is How I Feel

I'm sick, boo! Wah, wah, wah...

Grading the Quiz

Your substitute teacher, Miss Tallulah Mae Tidball, has graded the quiz from last Thursday. Here are the answers:

1. What did I call floating dandelion seeds when I was a little girl?
a. UFOs
b. foziewisps
c. fairies (I wanted to put them in jars)
d. parachutes

2. Which of the following is NOT true:
a. I've been on national TV (Jeopardy!)
b. I've performed in an opera (no, damn it! I've tried to be a supernumerary but haven't succeeded)
c. I've performed on the stage of the Grand Old Opry (with my high school band)
d. I've been in a movie (as an extra in a terrible movie starring Leif Garrett!)

3. What did I want to change my name to when I was six years old?
a. Daisy, the Famous Ballerina
b. Audrey, the Film Star
c. Petunia, Hee Haw Singer
d. Cruella deVille

4. Which sport did I play in high school?
a. lacrosse
b. tennis
c. soccer
d. softball
e. fencing

TRICK QUESTION: None of these! I have no hand/eye coordination!

5. True or False:
I speak fluent German. (despite my last name [which is my married name], I cannot speak German. I had to take it for my art history degree; I got an A but have no idea how.)

6. Which instrument do I NOT know how to play?
a. cello
b. flute
c. accordion (though I'd like to!)
d. bassoon
e. oboe

7. What irrational fear do I have?
a. that I will get stuck on the toilet
b. that an asteroid will hit my house
c. that a crane will fall on me
d. HONEY BADGERS!

8. What royal title does B. give me?
a. Duchess of Dorkitude
b. Principessa Sweetie Pea
c. Queen of the Dogs
d. the Marchioness de Marching Bands

9. What was the first movie I remember ever having seen?
a. Bambi
b. Mary Poppins
c. Gone with the Wind
d. The Sound of Music

10. Which of these did I NOT want to be when I grew up:
a. veterinarian
b. jockey
c. ballerina
d. nurse
e. Miss America

There you have it...Annette and JuJu both get an A+ just for taking the quiz.

BTW, I think I might have to start calling myself the Duchess of Dorkitude!

Foziewisp Quiz Time

Class, get out your pencils! A short quiz about--who else--me!!! (Because--have you heard?--I'm fifty!).

1. What did I call floating dandelion seeds when I was a little girl?
a. UFOs
b. foziewisps
c. fairies
d. parachutes

2. Which of the following is NOT true:
a. I've been on national TV
b. I've performed in an opera
c. I've performed on the stage of the Grand Old Opry
d. I've been in a movie

3. What did I want to change my name to when I was six years old?
a. Daisy, the Famous Ballerina
b. Audrey, the Film Star
c. Petunia, Hee Haw Singer
d. Cruella deVille

4. Which sport did I play in high school?
a. lacrosse
b. tennis
c. soccer
d. softball
e. fencing

5. True or False:
I speak fluent German.

6. Which instrument do I NOT know how to play?
a. cello
b. flute
c. accordion
d. bassoon
e. oboe

7. What irrational fear do I have?
a. that I will get stuck on the toilet
b. that an asteroid will hit my house
c. that a crane will fall on me
d. HONEY BADGERS!

8. What royal title does B. give me?
a. Duchess of Dorkitude
b. Principessa Sweetie Pea
c. Queen of the Dogs
d. the Marchioness de Marching Bands

9. What was the first movie I remember ever having seen?
a. Bambi
b. Mary Poppins
c. Gone with the Wind
d. The Sound of Music

10. Which of these did I NOT want to be when I grew up:
a. veterinarian
b. jockey
c. ballerina
d. nurse
e. Miss America

Answers tomorrow!

Birthday Week, Continued

In honor of my landmark birthday, I share with you my elementary school portraits.

I cannot share with you the junior high or high school photos because in those years the hair and glasses became rather scary. I got contact lenses in the ninth grade, but alas, they could not help my hairstyle.

In my senior portrait, I look like a realtor. And not in a good way.

Stay tuned for a quiz tomorrow...

It feels a bit self-indulgent to blog about me and my birthday all week, but you only turn 50 once!

Fifty

I'm FIFTY! (Yay!)

Me and Sally O'Malley! Here she is, trying out for the Rockettes.

Self Portrait